Are You Afraid of the Dark: The Tales of the Dead Man's Float

So this episode doesn't seem early on like it has too much potential to creep. Pass the scary intro, pass the typical Midnight Society chatter, hurp a durp durp, and the episode arrives at its intro. Basically, a kid in some pool starts screamin that somethings grabbing him in the water and the lifeguard jumps in to save him, but he can't get him out! The kid just drowns right there and one has to wonder... WHAT WAS PULLING HIM UNDER?

Cut ahead like 40 years or something to some nerd being nerdy and some bitch being bitchy. He invites her to see something that he thinks she'd like.

"He began to unzip his pants..."

Cut to next morning and it turns out the thing nerd boy wanted to show the chick was not his embarrassingly small genitalia, but was an abandoned pool in the schools basement (what the hell were they thinking). She says MAYBE YOU DON'T SUCK AT LIFE AFTER ALL (don't quote me on that) and cut to a few weeks later and hoeface convinced the school to set the pool up. THE PLOT THICKENS. Turns out that Mr. Nerd is helping her with her homework in exchange for sexual favors swimming lessons. Suddenly SOMETHING THROWS THEM OUT OF THEIR RAFT (why they have a raft in the swimming pool instead of just... standing on the edge of the pool I will never know). They think they're done for when suddenly HEROIC JANITOR PULLS THEM OUT IN THE NICK OF TIME! Why was he there when the only people in the pool were 2 young children? Why was he hiding from them until they were almost drowning? We may never know.

Pictured above: A convicted sex offender. With a HEART OF GOLD.

As to be expected from a senior citizen with a dead-end job, he has a boring story to tell. HE WAS THE LIFE GUARD IN THE INTRO, AND THE DROWNED KID WAS HIS BROTHERRR. He convinced the school to close the pool because it was killing people... Because the pool was built on an INDIAN BURIAL GROUND! When are people going to figure out that this kind of behavior will lead to homicidal haunts 95% of the time? It's common sense at this point, really. Anyways, old moustachio up there has no idea how to stop the beast. But science nerd MAGICALLY figures out that the ghost, smelling like ass, must be made of ACID. A native ghost made of fucking ACID, how bad can this get? So basically the kid decides to toss in some delicious chemicals to make the beast reveal its TRUE FORM. He tosses some Tang into the pool and the results are... ABSOLUTELY BAT SHIT INSANELY HORRIFYING.

The reason I dropped chemistry class.

SO CLEARLY, the producers forgot to mention to the director that this was a show for kids, but decided doing more filming to replace the beast with something less nightmare-inducing was too much strain on the budget. So this things been swimming around children in bathing suits and has been just dragging them down and going to town. GOD DAMN!

But as any hero would, the super hoe from the beginning of the episode has some death powder to burn the thing, but herpaderp nerd kid throws it out of her hands and into the pool. YOU'LL BURN YOURSELF OMG. Dumbass. They all decide to dive in to get it (kids these days) as Scruffy watches shitting bricks. The beast goes in to get them but being an indecisive creature just kind of fails at that. The kids grab the container, PUT GLOVES ON, and then destroy the beast.

Cut to like a week later and they're banging. Wow. Realistic.

Spook: 10/5
Funny: 0/5
Total: 4.5/5

If you're looking for an episode of these shows that are actually going to make you shit a brick, this one is what you'll be looking for every time.


Youtube link to the episode